| (no subject) |
[Aug. 23rd, 2005|10:24 am] |
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yeah I gotta go to work at 11am today till 7pm I don't know who's working today well I do know I know Jeff works at 3pm... But I don't know who else really.... but if I had to guess I'd say Anna if she's feeling better... Probly both Bills I know Grill Bill most likely... I don't know who else... yeah I'm so freaking tired it's not funny... I suposed to do something after work but I don't know it that'll happen I hope it dose... |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 11th, 2005|12:14 am] |
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NO LITTLE PEOPLE!!!! I DON'T WANT TO TALK TO PEOPLE UNDER 15 THATS STRECHING IT THERE FOR ME... IT'S JUST WEIRD FOR ME AND I DON'T WANT YOU TO ADD ME UNLESS I'M A FRIEND OF YOUR SIBLINGS OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT... I DON'T WANT TO DATE LITTLE PEOPLE... I DON'T WANT TO MEET LITTLE PEOPLE AND I'D RATHER JUST NOT TALK TO LITTLE PEOPLE... GOD JUST LEAVE ME ALONE UNLESS YOUR 15 THEN I'LL TALK TO YOU BUT I PREFERR 16 N UP!!!!! |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 1st, 2005|12:26 am] |
inuyasha stuff
Name
Sango
Category
Good Guys
Age
Around 19
Weapon
Hiraikotsu (boomerang)
Special Features
Description
Sango is a Youkai slayer who lived with her family until Naraku sets her a trap and kill all his family using the body of his little brother Kohaku.
yeah I like this show and I really like her I think she's really cool an I just wanted to post a little about it I like more characters then just her but I don't wanna fill up this with a bunch of pics and stuff |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 24th, 2005|10:09 pm] |
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www.freewebs.com/theloner14/ |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 23rd, 2005|03:21 pm] |
do this please..?
[[01.]] Who Are You?::
[[02.]] How Do You Know Me?::
[[03.]] What Am I to You?::
[[04.]] Whats My Name?::
[[05.]] Whats My Middle Name?::
[[06.]] What is My DOB?::
[[07.]] Where do I go to School?::
[[08.]] What Grade Am I In?::
[[09.]] What was Your First Impression About Me?::
[[10.]] Does Any Song Remind You of Me?::
[[11.]] Am I Nice?::
[[12.]] Am I Athletic?::
[[13.]] What Sports Do I Play?::
[[14.]] Can You Always Count on Me?::
[[15.]] Am I Lazy?::
[[16.]] Am I Flirty?::
[[17.]] Have I Ever Had My Heart Broken?::
[[18.]] Am I Single or Taken?::
[[19.]] Would You Want Me as a Girlfriend/Boyfriend?::
[[20.]] Am I Hot or Ugly?::
[[21.]] Can You Talk to Me About All Your Problems?::
[[22.]] Does Any Song Remind You of Me?::
[[23.]] On a Scale of 1-10 with 10 being the Highest, How Well Do You Know Me?::
[[24.]] Describe Me in One Word?::
[[25.]] Final Question… Do You Love Me?:: |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 1st, 2005|01:11 pm] |
1. Name:
2. Age:
3. Birthday:
4. Hair color:
5. Eye color:
6. Height:
7. Weight:
8. Would you do something... anything romantic for me:
9. Most romantic thing you've ever done:
10. How many approximate times have you had sex:
11. How many g/f's of b/f's have you had:
12. Why are you single:
13. Reason the last relationship ended:
14. Number of best friends:
15. How long have you known them:
16. Have you ever cheated:
17. If so, why:
18. Favorite Band:
19. Have you ever been arrested? What for:
20. Do you do drink/smoke/other drugs:
21. How many times do you shower a week:
22. What do you like about me:
23. Is what your friends think about me important to our relationship:
24. Where would we go on our first date:
25. Do you think you can make me laugh:
26. Would you let me wear your clothes:
27. Would you remember my birthday, important anniversaries:
28. Would you act different in front of me around your friends:
29. Would you take me places with you and your friends:
30. Would you hang out with my friends:
31. Would you ask me to slow dance in your backyard:
32. Your best quality:
33. Do you like PDAs:
34. Would you give me a nickname and use it in front of your friends:
35. What is one key thing that you find important in relationships:
36. Love is ___________. [fill in the blank]
37. Your last g/f or b/f was _____________. [fill in the blank]
38. I am_____________. [fill in the blank]
39. I'm on lj because _______________. [fill in the blank
40. what would you do if i was crying?_______.
41. if you loved me, would u tell me, and mean it?_______. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 31st, 2005|01:34 pm] |
People aren't sure of what they realy want in life. I received this
letter from a friend on the computer, did what it told me to, and within a
week, everything I had wished came true!! Here's an exact copy, this really
works!!!!
*************************************************************
1. To yourself, say the name of the only
guy or girl you wanna be with 3
times!
*************************************************************
2. Think of something you wanna accomplish
within the next week and say it to your self 6
times!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
>>
3. If you had 1 wish what would it be? say it to
yourself 9 times!!!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
4. Think of something that you want to happen
between you and that 1special person and say
it to your self 12 times!!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------
5. Now, heres the hard part! Pick only 1 of these wishes and as
you scroll down focus and
concentrate on it and think on nothing
else but that wish.
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
* *
Now make one last &final wish about that one wish that you picked.
After reading this, you have 1 hour to send it out to 15 people, and what
you wished for will come true within in one week!
u only get one chance!!!!! Now scroll down and think of your
crush!!!
Keep going down
Keep going
Keep going
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Did you think of your crush? I hope so, that was
your last chance. Now pay very close attention this important message!
Sorry but once read, must be sent. Yes, this is one of those kinda chain
letters that everyone hates. This one has been going since 1863 and if you
break this chain, you will pay!!!!!! Remember that after hearing these
stories.
First Example:
Take Barbra Wallace.. She was a pretty lucky girl,
up till she got this same chain letter. She had a crush on the same kid
since kindergarden. when she got this mail she didn't pay any attention to
it. She just thought, no big deal. And deleted it. The next day her dad
got fired and her mom dies in a car crash. If she would have sent the
letter none of that would have happened and her mom would be alive.
Second Example:
Try Freddie D. Now Freddie D. was your average
nerd. Had glasses, was short and chubby, was in gifted. All the signs of
your total dork. He also received this letter and sent it to 51 people in
the hour. Now, like Barbra, he had a crush on a girl since 3rd grade. The
next day after sending the chain the girl confessed her love for him ever
since 3rd grade. Freddie D. finally had the courage to ask her out, and of
course, she had been waiting to yes to that for years. They grew up and
married each other to live happily forever.
Third Example:
Now if you couldn't relate to the others, this'll
get ya hooked. Listen to this. A kid named Jordan Johnson was just
getting on AOL to check his mail. He was a quiet kid, not that popular but
not a geek either. he was just normal. He saw he had mail from his
friend. It was this exact letter. Now Jordan Johnsen was a smart kid and
he knew what could happen if he didnt pass it on. He simply pulled a few
friends from his buddy list and sent it along. The next day, about that
same time, he got a phone call. It said he had won the lottery! then his
dad came home and bought him a new bike! His mom bought him Nintendo64 and
play station! His grandmother sent him a new computer, and his best friend
gave him tickets to the concert he wanted to go to, Kid Rock and Limp
Bizkit! Then he inherited a brand-new tv from his aunt! He was goin' wild!
the next day his secret crush asked him out, and they have been going out
ever since.
Now, you heard the stories. I know which person i'd rather
be, but thats up to you. I wouldn't wanna end up like Barbra but thats
only me. We all want what we cant have but now's ur chance to go out with
that special somebody ur waiting for. Take it or leave it. If you send
this to-
1 person- you will lose all luck in ur love
life.....forever!!!!!
10 people- your crush will say they like you as a
friend......ONLY!!!!!
15 people- your crush will say they like you
20 people- your crush will ask you out!
25 people- your crush will kiss you!!
30 people - Your crush will have sex with you
35 people or more- All of the above!!
Don't blow it, it's ur chance to shine! Have
everything u wanted, and more! Now, complaining cus u dont have any
friends. Well theres an answer 4 everything. It's simple, just go in a
chat room, pick some names and send away! but here's the catch.....you only
have one hour to send it after being read. Please pass this to everyone u
know and keep it going |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 30th, 2005|10:46 pm] |
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I'm so confused now....... this sucks.... |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 30th, 2005|08:47 am] |
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ok well I'm done for the moment... leave me some comments... you can leave them on past entries too I'll read them |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 25th, 2005|07:22 pm] |
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guess I was wrong... I guess people really don't want to hang out with or be my friend.... |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 9th, 2005|11:38 pm] |
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ok so today went on a zoo feild trip it was fun... I love the zoo.. I took pictures and I hung with daniel and some of his friends and Mr. davis then after that I had to work till 8 it was suposed to be 9 but I got off early and daniel and I did something since it was his birthday I took him to miami white water... big mistake cause it was already getting dark and your not allowed in the parks after dark.... and you can't go off the trails and we were.. we were looking for toads and we saw and hear a bunch but then we got caught... we saw head light and then a spot light then we thought they were leaving but then we saw the lights again and again so I just said I give up lets just go... so we went and were walking back up the trail and then we found the park ranger... he asked us what we were doing we told him we got lost he got and additude first and then told us to walk with him and then he was asking us for ID and then he said come to his car... I thought I was done for right there and I was gonna get a fine and a ticket and all this stuff... then we scanned daniels and I card and talked to us nicely..... before that tho he had to pad us down and he lifted my shirt up aI felt like a fat looser then... anyways then after that he warned us and told us to go home and so we did... and thats basicly it |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 8th, 2005|12:23 am] |
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I know I can't spell and sorry to everyone who it bothers I just have trouble and have the time I dont pay atention and the other half I'm half asleep.... |
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| Last public entry |
[Apr. 10th, 2005|02:06 am] |
| [ | How I'm feeling |
| |  distressed | ] |
melinda called me and tried to get me back she said she loves me and it hurts too much and sutff like that then told me my friends make my desicions for me and shit like that and then she asked me if I wanted it to be over and it killed me to say that when we broke up last time that the next break up was for good so I said that and then said I guess... so then she went nuts on me and was saying that I'll never find some one to love like her and that if I do find some one that we won't last or we'll get married and it'll fall apart and I'll wonder what happend to that and wonder why I can't be loved like that... what the hell is up with that... and then she was like I hate you and all this stuff and told me what a bad person I am and then asked me how I felt about us and stuff and asked me if I wanted it to be over and I said yes and she got mad and sad and said stuff and hung up... then text me rigtht after that... but now I think she's leaving me alone...
she just went from I love you to I hate you in the same conversation what the fuck?
anyways I feel really bad... I know she's hurt... I am too but I can't keep hurting her any more I need to fix me and all my issues before I get into a relationship...
anna and I are still friend btw
Spittyone05 [1:57 A.M.]: oh yeah ..
ReptileKid0589 [1:58 A.M.]: ?
Spittyone05 [1:58 A.M.]: and i love you ..as a friend of course but i just felt like you needed to hera that today
Spittyone05 [1:58 A.M.]: *hear
ReptileKid0589 [1:58 A.M.]: thank you
Spittyone05 [1:58 A.M.]: i'll always be here for you so dont worrie i'll always be your friend
ReptileKid0589 [1:59 A.M.]: thank you it means a lot to me
Spittyone05 [1:59 A.M.]: :-) well get some rest and i'll text you later
ReptileKid0589 [1:59 A.M.]: tomorow or tonight?
Spittyone05 [2:00 A.M.]: both
ReptileKid0589 [2:00 A.M.]: ok
Spittyone05 [2:00 A.M.]: night
ReptileKid0589 [2:00 A.M.]: night I love you too as a friend by the way
Spittyone05 [2:00 A.M.]: :-) good night i'll text u in a bit
ReptileKid0589 [2:00 A.M.]: ok later
FRIENDS ONLY FROM NOW ON
COMMENT TO BE ADDED |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|10:48 pm] |
| [ | How I'm feeling |
| |  depressed | ] |
I can't take it any more... what do I do?
I see the blade.... do I dare? do I take it away?
what to do.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|10:14 pm] |
| [ | How I'm feeling |
| |  gloomy | ] |
I guess I've lost my best friend....
melinda tells me she hates me then the next me tells me she loves me and stuff
don't give in
listen to your friends and what they've told you
no matter how much it hurts don't give in Jeffery's right your friends care about you and know the truth.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|09:55 pm] |
| [ | How I'm feeling |
| |  frustrated | ] |
ok so yeah work was alright... Josh is mad at me cause I was following anna around cause I was yelling on the speaker to weird custormers out... but fine whatever I'll just leave her alone too loose my best friend... what the fuck dose he think that I'm going to try to get her to go out with me and take her away? what the fuck she's like a fucking sister and besides that she's taken and I don't wanna be in a relationship at the moment and I just got out of one what the fuck is wrong with him? dumb ass I hate that shit
anyway melinda keeps texting me and telling me how much she hates me and that I could save us... everyone at work told me not to do anything and gave me reasons why not to. Jeff told me I can do better and that it's better this way for both of us. so yeah
I feel alone and like I'm becoming distant from everyone here comes the depresstion again and the dark and cold.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|04:23 pm] |
| [ | How I'm feeling |
| | depressed | ] |
I get to go to work today from 5 till 9 or 10ish oh well it gives me something to do and I do need the hours and money for school and stuff... I need to clean out my frogs tank and salamnders tank and get pet food didn't go to grandmas today I just watched a tv show with my mom and sister... so I get to do that tomorow and then go to ceasors creek maybe...
I'm such an emo |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|02:46 pm] |
I hate me... I can't beleive what an ass hole I am
I hate happy people and I hate myself for thinking I could ever be a happy person and trying to hide my problems blah I knew it I fucking knew i couldn't ever be that.
I'm lost in a sea of darkness drowning in the pain and hurt I've caused
help me.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|02:45 pm] |
I can't take this anymore
"I am so depressed tonight, O God.
I feel as if I am the sole target
of an enemy barrage -
that all the demons of hell are bent
upon damning my soul for eternity.
Consume, O God, these demons that depress,
these enemies that plague my soul.
May the whirlwind of Your Spirit
sweep them out of my life forever.
May I awaken with a heart full of joy,
and with the strength and the courage
to walk straight and secure
in the dangerous
and difficult paths before me." |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|02:30 pm] |
| [ | How I'm feeling |
| | numb | ] |
Melinda and I are done
she broke up with me
lifes over
some one kill me....
I caused this and caused her all this pain now it's over... the numbness is coming in... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|12:32 pm] |
| [ | How I'm feeling |
| | crappy | ] |
NO NO NO NO NO.... FUCK! THIS ISN'T REAL... IS IT REALLY OVER? FUCK.. NO PLEASE I BEGG YOU PLEASE... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|11:57 am] |
| [ | How I'm feeling |
| |  calm | ] |
ok well if you don't like that I update so much in one night then don't read it ok? god I don't want anyone to feel sorry for me I updated a bunch cause I had a lot on my mind and I put my thoughts and stuff in here as it came in my head. sorry for annoying people but lets not assume that I want you to feel sorry for me cause I sure don't I hate it when people feel sorry for me.
so I'm freaking sorry for updated a lot since it pisses you off but it is my journal and I am allowed to do it. not trying to sound like an ass I was just saying. when I'm upset I update a lot and I'm just such a damn emo. so I'm freaking sorry that I've upset you...
ok anyways I feel ok for now I slept forever and I'm doing something with my friends later today after I cut my grandmas back yard and cut this bush that she wants cut down. My friends mad at me for some reason I think it's cause I had plans and were going to the woods with my friends and gf... but we just hung out there and stuff for a little bit it was fun Jeff makes me laugh I'm so glad he's my friend if I was single and he was and yeah I would date him.. but anyways I gotta go to pet stores today to get pet food and I guess thats it
I wanna get the used CD I was listening to it and I Love it and I wanna get a used dvd with thier music vids on it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|12:53 am] |
| [ | How I'm feeling |
| | distressed | ] |
I wish there was a way to get rid of memories... maybe I could just not move forward and then there couldn't be a past and then I could get stuck on the past or have my past come back and get me again... Damn my Obsessive Compulisiveness I hate me for that...
Damn it! |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|12:52 am] |
| [ | How I'm feeling |
| | sad | ] |
Sorrow is better than laughter, for sadness has a refining influence on us. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|12:50 am] |
WHO WILL CRY?
If tonight I die,
Who will cry?
Strangers with their feigned interest,
While those I love have turned away.
And if my best isn't good enough,
What more can I give?
Go ahead--walk away.
Just leave me here alone.
And if tonight I die,
Who will cry?
All my strength is drained,
With nothing left to give.
Drowning in the depths of sorrow,
No tears left to cry.
A silent voice and distant eyes
That no one hears or sees.
And if tonight I die,
Who will cry? |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|12:49 am] |
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TOO MUCH TIME
At the root of insanity
Is having too much time on your hands--
Too much time to think--
Too much time to remember past hurts
And to wish things could be different.
Too much time spent alone,
Staring at these four walls
With too much time to think,
To remember past hurts
And to wish things were different.
Got to rid myself of this insanity.
I'll busy myself with a flurry of activities
And seek the companionship of others.
They´ll tell me time heals all wounds,
But for now I'll still cry--
When I have too much time to think
And remember past hurts,
Wishing things are different. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|12:44 am] |
I'm so depressed it's like I just can't be happy or one min I am happy and then next I'm sad or pissed for no reason and I'll try to strat crap over nothing. what the fuck is wrong with me?
Kill Me Please.....
I cause hurt and pain only.....
why?
I can't take it...
I feel like shit....
What the fuck is going on with me?
Why are all these thoughts going threw my head?
.......
I hate me... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|12:43 am] |
| [ | How I'm feeling |
| | depressed | ] |
I hate me.... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 9th, 2005|12:15 am] |
| [ | How I'm feeling |
| | gloomy | ] |
ok so yeah work was fun I guess school sucked again. Jeff and I made plans to go to the woods it and then Jeff's chriss and Melinda and then Jeff and I all went to the woods after 7 we Jeff got off to look for stuff we didn't find any frogs only a slamander then this girls that Jeff and chris said were gay told us to leave the trees and stuff alone or they'll call the ranger on us and kick us out of there that made me mad cause I've done that for the past week at tripple creek and never had a problem till tonight that total bull shit..........
And then to top off my depressing 2 or 3 days that I've had and to make things worse in my being down in the dumps so to speak Jillian text me thats my ex for those of you who didn't know that and yeah... we talked about things and I learnd something and I wish I didn't know and I wish I wouldn't have known....... all I can say is wow oh my god.... what!? why? It's not fair. what a shame. and oh well it happens I guess.
anyways I let my other toad go and melinda and I hung out and ate pizza and that about it really I still feel real depressed tho........
Tomorow or today since it's in the morning now I'm cutting grass going to the woods with danile and hanging with friends... then sunday going to ceasors creek with danile and thats about it I guess |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 8th, 2005|06:25 am] |
| [ | How I'm feeling |
| | gloomy | ] |
well sadly I let one of my toads go cause it started to chorus at night again and I really needed to get sleep cause yesterday I only got 3 hours of sleep. I went to bed way early yesterdat like 8:30 or 9ish I can't rember for sure and my toad woke me up 4 times last night so I finaly just let him go yeah I beleive both my toads were boys but I kept one cause it's quiet and just sits there. I may go and look for an other one or two. Anyways yeah I don't want to go to school I still feel extra tired for some reason. anyways I get to work today at 12 so I get to come home change my cloths maybe update and then go to work till 6 or 7pm and then I don't know whats going on after that. I'm gald it's the weekend no school and no work I get to sleep in and relax oh joy. I get to cut my grandmas grass today too I forgot about that and saw down a treek or bush or something. ok well I guess I'm done I still feel all down in the dumps and stuff maybe it was one of those days thats just going into the next day uh...... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|08:46 pm] |
| WILLIAM |
| W |
is for |
Wicked |
| I |
is for |
Innocent |
| L |
is for |
Luxurious |
| L |
is for |
Luxurious |
| I |
is for |
Important |
| A |
is for |
Active |
| M |
is for |
Mellow |
|
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|08:45 pm] |
| BJ |
| B |
is for |
Bewitching |
| J |
is for |
Juicy |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|08:31 pm] |
| [ | How I'm feeling |
| | depressed | ] |
what is wrong with me? I feel like crap I just can't get happy today... maybe it's just one of those days... like I felt happy in part of the days but then I didn't. yeah at work I almost cussed out this laidy her name is tina she yelled at me infront of our surporvisor steve and said what is wrong with you? when I pulled up a well done fish meat. she's a bitch I was so pissed she was trying to make me look bad in front of him that really pissed me off then I got sad again for no reason I feel like crap now. damn it I need to get sleep uh what the fuck is going one maybe I need to take a personal day |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|08:30 pm] |
Wake up,
Grab a brush and put a little (makeup),
Grab a brush and put a little,
Hide the scars to fade away the (shakeup)
Hide the scars to fade away the,
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?
Here you go create another fable
You wanted to,
Grab a brush and put a little makeup,
You wanted to,
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup,
You wanted to,
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table,
You wanted to,
I don't think you trust,
In, my, self righteous suicide,
I, cry, when angels deserve to die, Die,
Wake up,
Grab a brush and put a little (makeup),
Grab a brush and put a little,
Hide the scars to fade away the (shakeup)
Hide the scars to fade away the,
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table?
Here you go create another fable
You wanted to,
Grab a brush and put a little makeup,
You wanted to,
Hide the scars to fade away the shakeup,
You wanted to,
Why'd you leave the keys upon the table,
You wanted to,
I don't think you trust,
In, my, self righteous suicide,
I, cry, when angels deserve to die
In my, self righteous suicide,
I, cry, when angels deserve to die
Father, Father, Father, Father,
Father/ Into your hands/I/commend my spirit,
Father, into your hands,
Why have you forsaken me,
In your eyes forsaken me,
In your thoughts forsaken me,
In your heart forsaken, me oh,
Trust in my self righteous suicide,
I, cry, when angels deserve to die,
In my self righteous suicide,
I, cry, when angels deserve to die. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|08:29 pm] |
I've been walking through your streets,
Where all your money's earning,
Where all your building's crying
And clueless neckties working,
Revolving fake lawn houses,
Housing all your fears,
Desensitized by TV,
Overbearing advertising,
God of consumerism,
And all your crooked pictures
Looking good, mirrorism,
Filtering information,
For the public eye,
Designed for profiteering,
Your neighbor, what a guy.
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM,
Every time you drop the bomb,
You kill the god your child has born,
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM.
Modern globalization,
Coupled with condemnations,
Unnecessary death,
Matador corporations,
Puppeting your frustrations,
With the blinded flag,
Manufacturing consent,
Is the name of the game,
The bottom line is money,
Nobody gives a fuck.
4000 hungry children leave us per hour,
From starvation,
While billions are spent on bombs,
Creating death showers.
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM,
Every time you drop the bomb,
You kill the god your child has born,
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM
BOOM/BOOM/BOOM/BOOM/BOOM/BOOM/BOOM
Why, why, why, why must we kill, kill, kill, kill
Our own, own, own, own kind...
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM,
Every time you drop the bomb,
You kill the god your child has born,
BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM
BOOM/BOOM/BOOM/BOOM/BOOM/BOOM/BOOM
Every time you drop the bomb. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|08:28 pm] |
"Give Me Novacaine"
Take away the sensation inside
Bitter sweet migraine in my head
Its like a throbbing tooth ache of the mind
I can't take this feeling anymore
Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensations overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing
So give me Novacaine
Out of body and out of mind
Kiss the demons out of my dreams
I get the funny feeling, that’s alright
Jimmy says it's better than here,
I’ll tell you why
Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensations overwhelming,
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
Tell me that I won't feel a thing,
So give me Novacaine
Oh Novacaine
Drain the pressure from the swelling,
The sensations overwhelming
Give me a long kiss goodnight
and everything will be alright
Tell me Jimmy I won't feel a thing,
So give me Novacaine |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|08:26 pm] |
I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
and I'm the only one and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah,
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah
I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line
Of the edge and where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's fucked up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs
To know I'm still alive and I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk alone
I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone
Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Ah-ah, Aaah-ah
Ah-ah, Ah-ah
I walk alone
I walk a...
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk a...
My shadow's the only one that walks beside me
My shallow heart's the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Til then I walk alone... |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|08:19 pm] |
You take it, and you take it
And you learn,
You learn all too well,
So that later, when there's nobody to dish it out,
You can punch yourself in the gut
And take it some more.
The best part is,
With training and practice,
You learn your own soft spots and weaknesses,
So that you become your own best tormentor.
Double up over the pain and swallow.
It'll still be there tomorrow,
Waiting for you. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|08:19 pm] |
I pull it around me like a cloak
And watch youthrough its folds
It muffles every word and gesture
Every move I make
If you were to strike me
I would feel shadow-blows
If you were to hold me
I would feel shadow-comfort
My distance is my security
But its refuge is cold and numb |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|08:17 pm] |
My trust is a child's rag doll
Torn to pieces and thrown to the ground
Glass eyes staring at uncaring hands
Bright patchwork dress trampled and stained
Stuffing-substance leaking to the wind
Smiling broken at the shining blue sky |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|08:15 pm] |
Have you ever curled yourself
Around a razor blade because
The cold bite and sharpened
Tang were all you could feel
And it was better than
Feeling nothing? |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|08:14 pm] |
My fear is a small black lizard
Coiled in my guts
Cold enough to ache
When it stirs
It bares its teeth
And reminds me how easily
It can turn to pain |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|08:13 pm] |
We sat outside
under the awning, watching
people walk by
half-bundled against the wind
"I'm scared," she said
under the directionless light
filtered through clouds
and a smell of rain to come
"Thank you for the coffee," she said
I could tell she wanted to say more
afraid to reach out
afraid of my reaction
just afraid, and hurting,
she tried
I tried too,
spoke of memories and plans
museums and mountains
cross-country travel
all of which she soaked up,
both of us trying so hard
Bleeding our fear and pain into
the cold hazy afternoon
At the bus stop, she hugged me
goodbye |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 7th, 2005|08:11 pm] |
Abandonded
Isn't as cruel a word as abused
But it's enough, I think.
I know you wanted a boy, father;
You wanted to name me Junior
You really wanted Little League
Roughhousing and car mechanics
And that father-son talk at thirteen.
Instead you got a scardey-cat girl
Who you had to toss in the pool,
Who hid in her room, in trees,
In books,
Who cringed at the idea of violence,
Who had a hard time standing up for herself.
I don't think that's why you left
And why you stayed gone for eleven years;
I know you called sometimes,
But when mom would ask if I wanted to talk to you
It was me that said no.
I don't really believe you were ashamed of me,
But I did then,
Especially since I was angry and wanted very much
To be ashamed of you.
I was bitter about the "college fund," father;
About the endless lack of money,
About having to sneak around the house in the daytime,
About only seeing you when you decided to make an appearance,
About the pot in the hall closet
(I learned to fear police raids when I was in first grade),
About the broken promises.
You were so gone for such a long time
That when you finally left for real
It was almost a relief,
And I spent years trying to unremember
Anything good about you
So I wouldn't miss
What I couldn't have.
And one day, out of the blue,
You're coming to town, and it's convenient to visit.
Never mind that it's been half my life since the last time I saw you;
Never mind that I'm now an adult living on my own,
Now you want to play Daddy,
And I'm your little girl.
You don't get that, father.
Not after the bitterness,
Not after figuring out that the reason I had so many fucked-up relationships
Was that I kept picking guys that ended up leaving me,
Not after spending years getting a spine
And a sense of my own worth
And learning how not to be a shy little girl.
You certainly don't get to see my awkward teenage years;
You'll never know what it was like when I graduated from high
school,
When I started dating,
When I learned to drive,
When I left home to make my own way.
Too late, father.
You take me as I am
Or not at all.
And since you never bothered to find out who I am,
And you still don't show much interest,
I'll just assume that you don't want me after all.
And you know what?
I'm doing just fine without you.
I finally found a man who wouldn't leave;
I finally discovered what I'm good at;
I finally identified and am working to kill
That lingering fear of other people's fathers,
And the fear of not having a child by myself.
It would be so much easier and more understandable
To make up a story of abuse and neglect--
Though the neglect isn't that far off.
There's a father-sized hole in my life,
And it's been there for fifteen years,
So I've learned to build my life around it.
But when I have a child of my own
Don't expect to hear from me;
I'm not going to want you there.
You may not understand-you may never understand.
It's the price you've already paid for freedom and escape.
You'll always be my father,
But you'll never be my Dad again.
That's what I get
For being
Abandonded. |
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